Blackwood Gazette #10: Southern Crowndon Braces for Plague of Albino Locusts

8/5-The southern provinces of the Crowndonian Empire, including the major trading centers of Walsh and Toring, are preparing for an invasion. Not from any human army, but from the hordes of Albino Locusts that descend upon the area every four years.

“They come up here, over the Demon’s Eye from Monteddor,” said Razule Gracia, the owner of one of the largest granaries in the Empire. “They come up here, and they lay their eggs in our grain,* and then they eat the grain. Entire crops are lost. Millions of pounds of gold, lost!”

Not to mention millions of lives. Southern Crowndon has a problem with poverty, and they rely on the surplus grain from farms like Gracia’s to survive.

“It’s always bad,” said a local homeless man who only goes by ‘John’. “Especially for the oldest among us. Every four years, the street population here in Walsh drops. People I’ve known my entire life, just gone. Never sure when it’s going to be my turn.”

Crowndon scientists are unsure what causes the quadrennial influx of the insects, but entomologists and climatologists in the Nor Eastern Empire share a theory.

“It has to do with air currents over the Demon’s Eye Cove,” said Jaques Dullane, one such climatologist from the Empress University. “The locusts reproduce by laying their eggs in the dirt along Monteddor’s northern ridge. These eggs get picked up by the wind. Normally, the currents above the cove intercept these eggs and blow them out to sea. But every two years there’s an event in the Barricade Ocean that causes this current to either shift or disappear altogether, and the eggs are carried into the southern Crowney Provinces, where they lay dormant in the nutrient rich soil. Two years later, there is typically another event that causes warmer than average summers. The eggs hatch, giving birth to millions of the locusts. We’re not sure what causes either event.”

This year marks the end of the four year cycle. So when can Crowndon expect to be covered in locusts?

“Within the next couple of months,” said Dullane.

*Editor’s note: Quotes are printed as spoken…any scientific inaccuracies are the fault of interviewee, not the Blackwood Gazette.

Blackwood Gazette #10: Southern Crowndon Braces for Plague of Albino Locusts

Blackwood Gazette #9: Man Pays for Meal with Smelly Gold, Arrested in Connection with Tuna Heist

6/5-A new development in the story of the great Crowndonian Fish Heist, as the authorities are now calling it:

Martin Camwell got an ugly surprise after a dinner last night.

“I ordered a steak,” Camwell said. “Been wanting a steak, you see. Haven’t had none since the Crown seized my milliner’s shop and I got thrown out on the street. When I was done I tried paying for it with this bit ‘o gold a stranger gave me.”

That’s when the restaurant owner noticed something odd.

“Gold smelled bad,” the owner said. “Literally. At first I thought it was the bum, but when I recognized the hint of fish, I pieced it together with the robbery downtown.”

The restaurant’s proprietor contacted the authorities while the wait staff kept Camwell occupied with a dessert menu. When the city watch arrived, they took Camwell into custody, claiming that he did nothing wrong.

“I’m inclined to believe him,” said Deputy Chief Arthur Colingsworth, head of investigations into the heist. “He has no criminal record, and his story checks out. He’s also a bit of a lack-wit and a coward, so I doubt he had anything to do with the robbery, neither its execution and certainly not its execution.”

Colingsworth asked Camwell to provide a description of the man, which Camwell did.

“He described him as average height, ginger hair, mutton chops, and a gray over coat,” Colingsworth said. The inspector then alluded to the possibility that the mysterious man gave Camwell a message, then backpedaled when pushed on the subject.

“We have no further information on the subject at this time,” Colingsworth said, and disappeared into his office.

Charges against Martin Camwell in connection to the heist were dropped. However, he has been kept in custody on charges of vagrancy and disturbing the peace of the restaurant’s wealthy patrons, who report that the smell of the gold, and Camwell, offended them.

Related: Bank Full of Fish Gets Cleaned Out…

Blackwood Gazette #9: Man Pays for Meal with Smelly Gold, Arrested in Connection with Tuna Heist

Blackwood Gazette #8: Tensions Rising Over Sarnwainian Development of Combustion Engines

1/5-The Imperial Blackwood Authority is up in arms today over reports that the Sarnwainian Empire has plans to pursue oil based combustion engines.

“If the Sarnwainians figure out how to build an engine that uses their impressive oil deposits, we’re all screwed,” said Authority head Richard Leavensworth. “Over time they would prove to be cheaper than the cost of harvesting and shipping Blackwood for our current steam-based transportation system. Combine that with the availability of Sarnwainian oil versus the limited resource of the Blackwood Grove…the Triumvirate would fall apart. We’re talking about an almost over night shift in economic power and a complete reconstruction of the way the world works.”

Blackwood magnate Marco de Santana isn’t worried.

“Let the Sarnwainians try their combustion engines,” de Santa said. “We tried it once. It didn’t work. The oil gummed up the works. And before it did, the engines were loud, and the fumes coming off the engine choked the warehouse. The citizenry won’t like it once presented with the setbacks.”

The opinions of the citizenry seem to indicate otherwise, however.

“Something cheaper than Blackwood?” one local, who owns a small independent transport company, said. “Sign me up. Costs me six months salary for a chunk of Blackwood to power my little airbus for nine. Maybe one day we’ll ALL be able to afford one of them autos you see the rich folks driving around. People like De Santana, they’re just worried about their own personal wealth.”

Scientists from around the Triumvirate are the most concerned with this development overall.

“In addition to the geopolitical ramifications everyone is prattling on about are the environmental ones,” said Sir Rigel Rinkenbach, of NorEaster. “I was there when we tried our own oil based engine. I even helped design the damn thing! Now imagine a city full of such engines, making noise and pumping black smoke into the air. Say goodbye to the clear blue of the Imperial Skyways, and the immaculate stone work of Oeil de Fleur. No, we must re double our efforts in re-creating the Blackwood formulae, and we must stop at nothing to prevent the Sarnwainians from succeeding. Stay with Steam! Down with Diesel!”

Blackwood Gazette #8: Tensions Rising Over Sarnwainian Development of Combustion Engines

Blackwood Gazette #7: Wealthy Socialites Marry, Immediately Divorce; Set New World Record

29/4-Thousands of friends, family, and well wishers gathered in Monteddor City today for the wedding of Yolanda de Santana and Armin Chevelle. De Santana is the daughter of Montedorrian Blackwood magnate Marco de Santana, and Chevelle is a popular purveyor of adult publications in Nor Easter.

The ceremony was appropriately lavish, with a red silk carpet serving as the bride’s walkway and a flock of rare Sarnwainian Bluebirds being released upon the completion of the vows.

“Oh, it was so beautiful!” said  famous fashion designer Gustavo Frederick-Alanstead Gallardo. “I had literal tears in my eyes. It was literally amazing! Weddings always make me cry rivers. Literally!”

No sooner than the Bluebirds were released, recaptured, and served in a stew, did the newlywed couple turn from the priest (Chevelle’s uncle, ordained purely for the purpose of this ceremony) to their lawyers. A family lawyer represented Chevelle, the infamous Guiseppe Le’Saul. De Santana was represented by her mother.

With the terms of the divorce already agreed upon beforehand, and thanks to a series of complicated loopholes in the Monteddorian legal system, the newlyweds finalized the dissolution of their marriage with a single signature. Their marriage lasted a grand total of one minute, 15 seconds, setting a new world record. Chevelle himself set the previous record of one minute, 18 seconds last year.

With the divorce finalized, the guests attended an opulent reception where they feasted upon the finest dishes in Monteddor, prepared by the greatest culinary artists from around the Triumvirate. Dishes served included barbequed whale and roasted chicken-hogs from the Divide, an exceedingly expensive dish as there are only twelve known to exist (there were one hundred before the wedding took place).

“It all looks and smells delicious,” said popular pin-up Pippi Tralala. “I do not partake, however. I subsist solely on sunlight and air.”

After the meal, the guests celebrated by dancing. The night’s festivities ended with a completely debauched orgy, documented by Chevelle’s own film crews using the newest moving picture cameras. The documentary, simply titled ‘The Aristrocrats’, will be available on all Chevelle Corporation Kinetic Viewers by next month.

Blackwood Gazette #7: Wealthy Socialites Marry, Immediately Divorce; Set New World Record

Blackwood Gazette #5: Airship Carrying Fish Crashes into Bank; Special Cleaning Crews Required

It looks like the citizens of lower Crowndon are going to have to cut open their mattresses. A commercial fishing ship crashed into the First Imperial Bank of Crowndon’s lower branch this weekend.

“It’s one of the dangers of airship society,” the bank manager said. “I always knew something like this would happen. I just didn’t know it would happen to me!”

The crash occurred in the middle of the afternoon, during peak hours. Several injuries were reported, but no one was killed. The biggest injury was likely to the egos of those present.

“The ship hit the roof, broke through, and split open,” one fish covered customer told me from behind a special cordon, twenty feet away. “Never seen nothing like it. The fish just spilled out. I was right under it. They’ve done scrubbed me down twenty times in five different solvents and I still stink. I tell you, my wife is going to be [angry].”

The ship carried a full load of Barrier Sea tuna, famous for its taste, and infamous for its odor. This reporter isn’t sure how that works, but apparently it does.

“The entire bank reeks,” a teller said. “The main lobby, the furniture, the bank notes themselves. We’ve several million dollars worth of gold and silver. We couldn’t give it away, the smell is so bad.”

The First Imperial Bank has called in a special crew of cleaners that deal with Barrier Tuna spills. The clean up is expected to take several days. In the meantime, it is recommended that no one travel within two blocks of the bank.

“This is really inconvenient,” said a nearby business owner. “It doesn’t just hurt the bank’s business…it hurts the entire area’s. Namely, mine.”

Blackwood Gazette #5: Airship Carrying Fish Crashes into Bank; Special Cleaning Crews Required

Blackwood Gazette #4: Tragedy Strikes the Empress Theater in Oeil de Fleur

17/4-Today is a sad day in the history of the arts, as the Empress Theater, the oldest stage in the civilized world, was reduced to ash last night during a performance of Delando’s newest magnum opus. Officials say the fire started during the show’s final act.

“It was that scene with the wizard,” one survivor claimed. “He raised his hand to shoot the fire ball, and he just burst into flame.”

Writer and Director Delando’s representative (Delando himself was unavailable for comment, as usual) denied allegations that the play’s signature special effect, achieved with a new invention called the ‘flare gun’, was the cause of the inferno.

“Delando’s official stance on the matter is that the actor playing the wizard spontaneously combusted,” the representative said. “The actor is a known lush and had spent several hours under the hot lanterns. The heat set the alcohol in his blood alight. The fact that he was wielding an unknown, untested gun that shoots fire balls is pure coincidence.”

Regardless, “Fires…” has been suspended pending further investigation into the matter.

Related: Fires of D’Kalm D’Korr Opens…

Blackwood Gazette #4: Tragedy Strikes the Empress Theater in Oeil de Fleur

Blackwood Gazette #3: Politician Killed in Purrrfect Assassination (sorry)

The Governor of Walsh, Thedore Francis Williamsburg of Thorndyke the Third, was found dead this morning. Cause of death: he was suffocated…with his pet cat, Peaches.

“It was the strangest thing I ever saw,” said Governor Williamsburg’s maid, who discovered the body. “I came into the room, to wake [the governor], and found him dead, covered in cat hair.”

Inspectors say that the death was likely foul play. When asked about the motive and possible suspects, they refused to comment. That hasn’t stopped members of the Governor’s social circle from speculating.

“If you ask me,” said one prominent friend of the deceased who asked to remain anonymous, “It was the Scarlet Circle. This has their stench about it, believe me. They specialize in this kind of [madness]. Who knows who’s going to be next? Worse, who knows how they’re going to go?”

No one seemed all that shaken up about the Governor’s death. The question on most peoples’ tongues is the welfare of the cat. House staff report that Peaches is unharmed, if a bit traumatized.

“Let’s see how you feel after being used as a murder weapon,” said the maid. “She was huddled up in the corner, hissing at anyone that came near. Poor thing.”

More on this story as it develops.

Related: Character Profile-Arufina Villanova

More Blackwood Gazette!

Blackwood Gazette #3: Politician Killed in Purrrfect Assassination (sorry)

The Shroom Job Part IX

Eli had no way of knowing how long they’d been in the air. The sun had gone down long ago and showed no signs of rising anytime soon, as far as he could tell.

The two pirates had brought a lantern and set it up on the crate between them. It cast just enough light to see the cards by. Moths swarmed around the weather beaten thing, trying without success to get to the tiny gas flame inside.

The pirate with the pipe reached out and plucked one of the moths out of the air. He crushed it in his palm and looked at the powdery white carcass.

“Ay, Gola,” the pirate said in an accent that indicated he was from somewhere in the southern provinces of Crowndon. “Ya think I’kin smoke this buggy?”

Gola gave the pipe smoker an exasperated look and said, “Don’t know. Don’t care. If you’re so curious, why don’t you put it in your pipe and try it.”

The pipe smoker regarded the carcass a bit longer, removed his pipe from his mouth, and tilted the moth’s remains into the bowl. He took a pinch of leaf from a pocket on his shirt and packed it in good and tight. Gola watched all of this with a vague amusement as he shuffled and dealt the cards.

The pipe smoker struck a match and lit the pipe. One, two, three puffs of smoke. He sat there, as though deciding what he thought. After a few seconds, he began hacking violently.

Gola laughed at his comrade. When the pipe smoker vomited, Gola laughed even harder. The pipe smoker regained himself and tapped his pipe out on the floor. He kicked the remains toward the open cargo door.

“Nawp. T’aint smokable.”

Gola shook his head and continued dealing. A gust of wind blew in through the door. This had happened several times through out the night, and every time the cards scattered about the car. This was the first time, however, that the wind blew one of the cards up to the top of the crate wall, a few feet down from where Eli lay.

Shit, he thought to himself. The two pirates went about picking up the cards. They checked the cards as they did. Gola paused.

“There’s one missing,” he said. “The Whore of Rains.”

“Ah, that’s no good,” the pipe smoker said. “I quite favor the picture on that one.” The pipe smoker did another quick scan along the floor, while Gola started back to the crate.

“Come on back, Pabyo,” Gola said. “The cards gone.”

Pabyo, who had moved to the side of the car opposite of where Eli lay watching, turned and started back toward the crate. He was about to sit down when another moth flew past his face.

“Ay!” he said, swatting at the insect. His eyes followed the moth, darting up and down. And then, they stopped, fixed on a point at the top of the crate wall. Eli felt like Pabyo was looking straight at him.

“There she is!” Pabyo said, pointing.

“Huh?” Gola said, and looked up. “I don’t see nothing.”

“Right there!” Pabyo said, hurrying toward the wall with his bony elbows bowed outward, working tirelessly as he moved. He stopped at the base of the crate wall, where one of the boxes had fallen earlier. He stepped up on it, and Eli saw his head pop up over the edge.

Long, gnarled fingers reached up and grabbed the card. Eli tried to fold in on himself, as if such a thing was possible. Pabyo was so fixated on the card, however, that he didn’t notice Eli. He just stood, grinning at the card, teeth gleaming with a yellow-brown sheen in the faint gas light.

“Yup!” he said, “That’s her–”

He stopped. Now he really was looking at Eli. The dumb look on his face twisted into a horrifying mask of fierce wrinkles, his dull eyes flashed with violent intent. Pabyo the stupid pirate had become Pabyo the blood thirsty monster.

“Who’s you?” he demanded. Eli didn’t reply, struck dumb by the shock of being spotted and the sudden change in Pabyo’s demeanor. Pabyo’s thin arm shot over the edge of the crate wall and grabbed Eli’s collar. His grip was like a rusty bear trap. He pulled Eli out and Eli fell, hard, to the ground. His broken ankle banged against the floor and the pain brought bright spots in his vision.

“Pick him up and toss him!” Gola snarled. Pabyo picked Eli up and dragged him over to the door, but he did not toss him.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Throw him and be done with it!”

“Nah, not yet,” Pabyo said, and brandished a knife. “I wanna smoke his right eye.”

Eli saw the point of the blade move toward his eye and turned his head. He waited for what felt like an eternity for the knife to bite into the soft flesh of his eye, but it never did. Instead, he heard Gola shouting.

“Stop, Pabyo!” he said, rushing forward. “Look at his hip.”

Eli opened his eye and saw Pabyo’s gaze move down. The dumb look returned. What were they looking at?

“He must be the guy,” Gola said. “Pull him in, set him down.”

Pabyo pulled Eli in and pushed him toward the crate. Eli stumbled toward it and sat down. When he did, the revolver in his right holster scratched against the wooden surface of the crate.

“You a cartographer?” Pabyo asked.

“Y-yes,” Eli said, straightening himself up and trying to sound assertive.

“Kind of young for a Cartographer, ain’t you?” Gola said. “Or at least, young for a traitor. Usually only ones go bad are the ones been around long enough to know every thing they been told is a crock.”

Eli didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t. He could only hope that his surprise about being right didn’t show.

Well, perhaps being “right” wasn’t the best descriptor. He’d just been speculating about rogue Cartographers based on rumors he’d heard.

However, if Hester was a rogue agent, wouldn’t they have been expecting a woman?

“How much do you know about me, and how I operate?”

Pabyo and Gola shared a look. Pabyo raised his shoulders.

“Captain Delamore didn’t say nothing to us, ‘cept that he has a Feral Cartographer in his pocket,” Gola said. Eli nodded, satisfied with this answer, but Gola went on.

“Come to think of it, he didn’t say nothing about you being here.” Gola’s eyes became suspicious. Pabyo’s hand worked around the grip of his knife.

“Wasn’t supposed to be,” Eli said. “I came back here to check the cargo when you all attacked, so I decided to wait. It took you idiots so long that I got bored and fell asleep.”

Pabyo and Gola’s heads snapped back as though they’d been slapped.

“B-but, we didn’t know you’d be here!” Pabyo said. “Knowing might’ve given us the proper motivation!”

Eli fixed him with his eyes and smirked. The speed with which he was constructing and falling into the character of a rogue agent didn’t surprise him. He’d always been a good liar.

“Motivation? Do you really need motivation to do the best work you possibly can? Don’t you take pride in your work, man?”

Gola snickered and said, “I’ve been telling him for years, ever since we was kids in Dux-”

Eli snapped to Gola, shutting him up.

“Since you were kids? And he still doesn’t listen?”

“I, uh…”

“And you still put up with it? What the hell does that say about you?”

Gola’ s mouth worked up and down, but no protest came out. He put his head down and walked away, muttering to himself.

“It ain’t his fault,” Pabyo said. “He’s like a big brother to me. I’m a bit slow in the head.”

Eli responded only by pulling the revolver and giving it a quick inspection. Pabyo got the hint and moved over to where Gola sat, his feelings hurt.

The surface of the revolver was flawless, with nothing to distort his reflection except for the shape of the gun. It had been Violet’s. He wondered if she’d somehow survived, and if she did, would he? This was a game he didn’t know how to play.

Pabyo cried out from where the two pirates had been sitting. Gola stood over him, yelling in Monteddorian, and reached down. He grabbed Pabyo by his hair and dragged him to his feet. Pabyo’s pipe fumbled out of his hand. Gola caught it and jammed it bowl first into Pabyo’s mouth. As Pabyo choked on it, Gola hauled him over to the open cargo door, grabbed him by the front of the shirt, and threw him out of the car. Eli watched in stunned silence as Pabyo disappeared into the night, trying to scream and unable to.

Gola turned and said, “Been waiting to do that for years. I guess I just needed the ‘proper motivation.'”

To Be Continued…

This is part nine of the The Shroom Job. The rest of the story can be read here. The Shroom Job updates on Saturdays.

The Shroom Job Part IX

Blackwood Correspondence: A Letter from Rigel Rinkenbach to Pixie Sinclaire, On the Occasion of Her 25th Birthday

I’ve spent the last week doing some light editing of what I plan to be my next novel, The Adventures of Pixie Sinclaire. In it, Pixie finds Rigel Rinkenbach’s lab, which is covered with scraps of paper full of encrypted writings. She reflects on his birthday cards to her, which were also encrypted. This set me thinking about what kind of a birthday card a man like Rigel Rinkenbach would give. What follows is a bit of a character building exercise:

Continue reading “Blackwood Correspondence: A Letter from Rigel Rinkenbach to Pixie Sinclaire, On the Occasion of Her 25th Birthday”

Blackwood Correspondence: A Letter from Rigel Rinkenbach to Pixie Sinclaire, On the Occasion of Her 25th Birthday

The Shroom Job, Part VII

shroomVII

Violet opened her eyes to a blurry swirl of orange and green. She rolled over onto her back and pain shot through her body from her right side. Her teeth grit against the pain and tears welled up in her eyes, further blurring her vision.

Trails of smoke led by bits of flaming wood still arced through the sky above her. The sky itself had deepened to shades of red and purple. The shape of a person limped into view above her.

“You alive, kid?”

Continue reading “The Shroom Job, Part VII”

The Shroom Job, Part VII