Blackwood Gazette #188- Rinkenbach R&D Issues Recall on Clockwork Butler

By Ada Herschel, Science and Technology

12/9- After several weeks of complaints and numerous reports of disturbing behavior, Rinkenbach R&D has finally issued a recall on the newest model of its popular Clockwork Butler. The recall comes on the heels of an incident involving one of the Butlers walking along the outer wall of a school in Sau Anoit, holding a spray can full of pesticides and saying something about the city being overrun with tiny narcissistic primates with no sense of self control.

“I noticed the automaton upon my arrival at the school that morning,” said the unnamed school’s headmaster. “I approached it with the hope of finding a serial number. Imagine my horror when I discovered the thing could talk, and my even deeper horror when I realized what it was saying.”

Police were called in and they promptly dismantled the machine. Officers on site say the Butler continued spouting its nonsense until they smashed its voice box. The police report was sent to Rinkenbach R&D, who then promptly issued the recall.

“We take this matter very seriously,” said Luca Deruso, acting head of RR&D in place of Rigel Rinkenbach. “After this incident, and two others in which the Butlers seemed to threaten the safety of their owners, we can no longer overlook the problem.”

When asked what could be causing the strange behavior, Deruso gave a vague, but frightening, explanation.

“All we can say at this time is that the Butlers were installed with a new proprietary chip that Sir Rigel was developing. He didn’t have it earmarked for use with the butler, but when installed the automatons seemed to take on Sir Rigel’s personality. We decided that would make an interesting selling point, though we must admit we have no idea where Rinkenbach got the idea, nor how he was able to concoct such a thing in the first place.”

We reached out to the Royal Palace for a statement from Sir Rigel Rinkenbach himself, but were declined.

Blackwood Gazette #188- Rinkenbach R&D Issues Recall on Clockwork Butler

Blackwood Gazette #173- Release of Rinkenbach R&D’s Newest Clockwork Butler an “Unmitigated Disaster”

By Ada Herschel, Science and Technology

6/8- Despite the disappearance of its CEO and seizure by the Nor Eastern government after the Industry and Innovation Conference nearly two months ago, Rinkenbach R&D released its next generation Clockwork Butler earlier this week. So far, the reception has been lukewarm, at best.

Where the last generation Butler had the wealthy of Triumvirate society sending out their servants in droves to place orders for a machine that would soon replace many of them, the newest model only garnered the attention of an estimated three hundred buyers, Triumvirate wide. That means, out of three Empires that span nearly thirty percent of the world’s landmass, only three hundred came out to pay.

“It’s an unmitigated disaster,” said Elsa Deveraux, Rinkenbach R&D’s CFO. “Probably the biggest launch failure not just in Rinkenbach’s history, but the history of the Triumvirate.”

Not helping matters are early product reviews from those few customers seeking to replace their last generation butlers.

“I’d hoped for something…more,” said one wealthy businessman who received his butler yesterday afternoon. “Indeed, I’d hoped that the rumors about only scant improvements were false, but this new machine only has a few more features than the old butler, and one of them, the voice synthesizer, has sent my cat hiding in the closet and refusing to come out.”

Even worse, it would seem that the new Butler is experiencing some technical issues.

“I ordered it to pour me some coffee,” said Barbara, in Walsh. “It did so without a problem. But when I told it to scrub the latrine, it told me ‘no’, poured another cup of coffee, and attempted to drink it. Luckily the only damage it did was to its voice box. At least I don’t have to listen to its horrific attempts to hum anymore.”

Rinkenbach R&D claims that it is looking into these matters, and has offered an extended warranty to all early adopters at the discounted price of ten per cent of the unit’s retail value.

Blackwood Gazette #173- Release of Rinkenbach R&D’s Newest Clockwork Butler an “Unmitigated Disaster”

Blackwood Gazette #117: Rinkenbach R&D Announces the Announcement for its Fourth Generation Clockwork Butler

By Ada Herschel, Science and Technology

11/5- It’s been over three years since Rinkenbach R&D released the latest iteration of its popular Clockwork Butler line. The line, which put inventor and alchemist Rigel Rinkenbach on the map as the world’s premier manufacturer of luxury technology at the age of 15, has traditionally followed a two year release schedule, so the extra year has left consumers clamoring for information.

“I wish I could say the wait was a preplanned promotional strategy,” Rigel Rinkenbach told us. “But, alas, the feverish anticipation surrounding the announcement of a next-gen Clockwork Butler was a happy side effect.

“No, the real reason for the extra year was to give us more time to iterate. The Butler Mark III was our most successful product line, mainly due to improvements in manufacturing leading to lower cost, higher production volume, and more units in people’s homes. And it wasn’t just the upper crust using the Butler either, but those working directly under the upper crust. We hope that the Mark IV will be the Butler’s first foray into the lower upper class.”

What innovations can consumers expect when the Fourth Generation Butler is released?

“Oh, dear me, no,” Rinkenbach said. “Forgive me, but I wouldn’t want to spill the beans in a simple write up. This is just a teaser, my dear, to say it’s coming. A full reveal will come at this year’s Industry and Innovation Conference, next month. We’ll have more information at that time, and not a moment sooner!”

With Rinkenbach remaining tight-lipped on his new product, the Gazette turned to leading industry analyst Jerald Doramus what he thinks the new Butler will be like.

“I have no earthly idea,” Doramus said. “We’re talking about Rigel Rinkenbach, here. The man’s mind works on a level most can’t even begin to comprehend. For all I know, the next Butler could simply be capable of bringing your tea without dropping the cup three out of four times, or it could be capable of full autonomy leading to the complete subjugation of the human race. The man belongs in an asylum, if you ask me.”

Blackwood Gazette #117: Rinkenbach R&D Announces the Announcement for its Fourth Generation Clockwork Butler