retro-futurism

Blackwood Gazette #111- Mathis Galland Signs Colonial Woman to his Racing League; Four Others Back Out

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By Huxley Pruitt, Sports

30/4- Mathis Galland’s much anticipated air racing league has hit a snag this week. His decision to sign Marcy Quail, a woman bush pilot from the colonies’ northern territories, has sparked controversy amongst those racers already signed as well as the wider sports world.

“The idea of a woman competing with a man is patently ridiculous,” said Bart Blunderberg, a racer from Rommsbach who formerly served as an officer in the Crowndon Air Corps and announced his resignation from the league upon hearing the news. “It always has been. That’s why we have separate leagues in all other sports, if the women have leagues at all. It’s bad enough we have to race against these backwoods hicks from the Middle of Nowhere with their third rate scrap jobs, but women? From the colonies, on top of that? I’m done.”

Three other racers backed out at the news as well, all of them from the tentatively named Legacy League (a title self-proclaimed by those racers hailing from the military and private service amongst the Triumvirate aristocracy.) Mathis Galland does not seem worried, however.

“If they want to behave like children and stomp out of the room holding their toys, let them,” Galland said. “There is no room in my league for such behavior. And the nature of racing, one of mechanical, rather than physical, prowess and skill render the typical arguments against integrated sports leagues irrelevant in this matter. Not that that would matter, in Miss Quail’s case. She’s six foot four and two hundred pounds of pure muscle. When I went to recruit her, she’d just thrown some poor sod who’d gotten too fresh with her through a wall.

“If someone can maintain and fly their aircraft, I couldn’t give two wet [expletive removed] where they’re from or what their genitals are. It’s also noteworthy that those pilots who dropped out are from Crowndon, and the Crowndon military at that. It’s well known they don’t allow women in combat roles, while we here in Nor Easter do. Now, I don’t want to say that our fighting women are the sole reason we won the war, but…we have fighting women, and we won the war.”

Blackwood Gazette #111- Mathis Galland Signs Colonial Woman to his Racing League; Four Others Back Out

Blackwood Gazette #104: Colonial Militia Prepares to Mobilize Against Von Grimm Gang

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By Hil Spencer, New Crowndon Correspondent

21/4- Two weeks after losing the frontier outpost Fort Winstone to the nefarious bandit Doctor Argyle Von Grimm and his gang of mechanically enhanced miscreants, the colonial militia says that it is ready to make a second push to retake the fort.

“The push can’t happen soon enough,” Field Marshal Ameron Lassiter said. “The Von Grimm gang has terrorized the colonial frontier long enough, and this latest episode has been especially trying, from a morale standpoint.”

Lassiter is likely referring to the idea, expressed by many citizens along the frontier, that the takeover isn’t representative of any actual threat, but merely a bruise on the militia’s ego.

“Things have only gotten worse ‘round here, last couple weeks,” a man from Craw, a small town one hundred miles away from the fort, told us. “And it ain’t because of Von Grimm’s gang. It’s ‘cos all our militia men are off gatherin ‘round that old fort that been of no importance for fifty years, watchin Von Grimm, and left us open to be robbed by these other varmints runnin’ ‘round here; the Clammets and the Rogs, the Darners and Tarvers.”

Lassiter claims the militia is not unaware of smaller gangs making their move now that the Von Grimms are holed up.

“We understand the frustration of the townsfolk, but those smaller gangs are second fiddle to the Mad Mechanist. This is a man who has cut a swath of terror from Nor Easter to Old Crowndon, and down the coast of Monteddor. He brought down Waystation Delta, and he’s blazed his way through the colonies out to the frontier, pausing only to kick puppies and steal candy from babies. Yes, he’s actually done that; that’s the kind of monster we’re dealing with. We’ll turn our attention away once he’s dealt with.

“It won’t be long now. Our squadron of Dragonflies arrives from the capital in the next few days. We’ve fitted them to drop fire jelly. We’re going to turn that fort into a boiling pot of bandit flesh and molten copper.”

Blackwood Gazette #104: Colonial Militia Prepares to Mobilize Against Von Grimm Gang

Blackwood Gazette #101-SCANDAL: Heisenberg Passengers were Servants of People Reported to be on Board

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by Chester Seaton, News

15/4- The best word that can be used to describe the atmosphere around Triumvirate High Society this morning is ‘confusion’. Just a day after finding out that several high ranking members of the community had been killed in the tragic Heisenberg crash, including the Empress of NorEaster, we now learn that all but one of the high profile passengers were not on the plane at all.

Empress Bastian…alive. Playwright Delando…alive. Tobacco magnate Archibald Starkfeld…alive. This list goes on, of people not only rich enough to afford tickets on the maiden flight, but rich enough to hire others to go in their place and convince the world that they had been a part of this history making event.

So, yes, confusion is the word to describe it. On the one hand, the leader of one of our three Empires still lives, likely averting a power vacuum and a ton of finger pointing and accusations between NorEaster and Crowndon. On the other hand the Empress, as well as others, filled the plane with servants and body doubles groomed to convince the world of their presence on the plane, and in so doing take all the glory without any of the risk. Publicity photos released after the event of passengers boarding were staged (all photography was contracted out). Yes, one hundred and twenty people are dead. However, we can say that of that number, the only person of any importance to die was Pipi Tralala, a dubious claim at best.

Blackwood Gazette #101-SCANDAL: Heisenberg Passengers were Servants of People Reported to be on Board

Blackwood Gazette #98- Small Town Inventor Claims to Have Found Blackwood Alternative

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By Maurice Merchant, Editor in Chief

10/4- You’ve probably never heard of Argathal Gladstone, unless you live in the small village of Leadhills in the region of Crowndon colloquially known as the Middle of Nowhere. But if Gladstone has his way, his name will be sung with reverence throughout all the corners of the Triumvirate.

“I have discovered a Blackwood alternative that will change everything,” he writes to us, his words written with the shaky hand of someone very excited, or perhaps lacking in blood sugar.

“The answer to the looming Blackwood crisis lies not in coal, or the diesel engines being developed by those heathens in Sarnwain.*

“It lies in perpetual motion, that most alluring and elusive of scientific endeavors. Many have tried. I have succeeded. In my workshop I now possess a working model. Enclosed is a sketch.”

The sketch Mister Gladstone provided was impossible to interpret, much less print. He continues:

“Currently, I’m in in the planning stages of a full scale model, which I will unveil at this year’s IIC. Prepare yourselves, citizens of the Triumvirate. A reckoning is at hand! With my machine, we shall be free of the Blackwood Dictatorship!”

Out of curiosity, I sent one of our interns to Leadhills to interview Mr. Gladstone. The man had locked himself in his workshop and refused to come out, but the intern reported loud banging and manic laughter.

At a loss, the intern turned to the townspeople to get a better idea of the man.

“Oh, he’s genuine, that’s for sure,” said one old man, sitting on a porch outside the local tavern and smoking a pipe. “When my coach broke down last year, he fixed it right up. A right mechanist, that one. If he says he can do it, I believe him.”

The majority, however, were less impressed.

“He’s a lunatic,” said the mistress of the same local tavern, who was quick to offer her opinion after hearing the old man’s account. “He’s always in here, raising hell about Blackwood this and Technological oppression that. You say he’s planning on going to that fancy convention in Nor Easter? Good riddance I say. The man ought to be right at home with that sort.”**

*,**: Editor’s Note: the opinions of Mister Gladstone and the citizens of Leadhills are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Blackwood Gazette or its employees.

Blackwood Gazette #98- Small Town Inventor Claims to Have Found Blackwood Alternative

Blackwood Gazette #97-Imperial Super Prison Nearing Completion

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by Chester Seaton, News

9/4-The controversy surrounding the Triumvirate’s joint project, an ocean-borne maximum security prison, continues this week as details leaked concerning the prison’s progress.

According to the leak, the project had been in development for years before its official announcement last year, with construction having begun nearly two years ago. As a result, the prison is nearly complete, and is scheduled to set sail within the next few months.

Other details in the leak point to prisoners already being held in completed portions of the ship, which is currently in dry dock in an undisclosed location. This has led to citizens across the triumvirate to make inquiries about family members currently incarcerated in maximum security prisons.

A spokesman for the project, currently codenamed ‘Delphinidae’, spoke with press this morning about the allegations.

“The information concerning the construction of the prison is largely accurate,” the spokesman said. “The ship is nearly completed, and will set sail shortly. As for allegations that prisoners have already been transferred aboard, without notifying their families, they are completely false.”

Blackwood Gazette #97-Imperial Super Prison Nearing Completion

Blackwood Gazette #96- Mathis Galland’s Racing League Set to Begin

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By Huxley Pruitt, Sports

8/4- First announced during seventh month of last year, Pandion Aerodynamics CEO Mathis Galland announced today that his Imperial Air Racing League has come together nicely and is preparing to begin its first season next month.

“We’ve currently signed twenty four racers and their teams,” Galland said in a press release. “They range from professional fighter pilots to up-by-their bootstraps farm boys who’ve been participating in underground racing leagues for a couple of years now. Watching these two groups come together and race each other will be exciting to watch. We’re already starting to see tensions between them; they’re ready to tear each others throats out!”

The league will consist of several event types, including head to head racing, stunt competitions, and group races. Surprisingly enough, it is this last category that has many wondering about the safety of this endeavor.

“The group races sound a bit dangerous,” said a city zoning member in Toring who is helping to negotiate the logistics of the races. “All of these super competitive, ‘Look At Me I’m Invincible’ types, speeding through the air and trying to get the upper hand, sounds like a recipe for a sky full of twisted wreckage to me. I can’t wait to see it!”

Blackwood Gazette #96- Mathis Galland’s Racing League Set to Begin

Blackwood Gazette #94- Von Grimm Gang Storms Frontier Fortress

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Chester Seaton, News
6/4- Bandit leader Doctor Argyle Von Grimm is back in the news this week as New Crowndon reports that the Mad Mechanist of Moseille has attacked and occupied Fort Winstone.

“We’d hoped to keep a lid on it,” said Colonel Frederick Tanner, of the Second Northern Frontier Regiment. “It is a small Fort, with little value other than the arms stored there. We’d hoped that Von Grimm would break when re-enforcements arrived, and that would be the end of it.”

That is not what has happened, however, according to Field Marshal Ameron Lassiter.

“We sent in Second Cavalry to retake the fort,” Marshal Ameron said. “They have a reputation in the region, and we hoped that would be enough. Unfortunately, Von Grimm has hunkered down and entrenched his forces in the hills around the fort. The terrain makes it very difficult to reach, and there are more of them than we anticipated. Von Grimm is also, how should I put this? ‘Inventive’ in his use of the terrain and the arms he has stolen.”

The initial push to retake the fort resulted in almost a third of the 2nd Cav to be slaughtered. As a result, Marshal Ameron and Colonel Tanner find themselves in a difficult position.

“The fort is of little value anymore,” said the Colonel. “But the deaths of the men who held it and the deaths of the men who have taken it demand satisfaction.”

“We’ve ordered a squadron of Dragonflies from Nor Easter,” Ameron said. “If we can’t take them on the ground, by The Man, we’ll take them from the air, and hopefully put an end to the Von Grimm menace once and for all.”

Blackwood Gazette #94- Von Grimm Gang Storms Frontier Fortress

Blackwood Gazette #92- Protests Flare Up in Southern Monteddor Over New Taxation Policies

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By Chester Seaton, News

9/3-The recent shift of power in Monteddor has led to civil unrest in the southern Empire this week, as several agricultural collectives gathered at farmers markets along Monteddor’s Llopesquo River to protest the new trade taxes being implemented on their goods.

“They call them a ‘security tax’, to pay for increased protection along the river,” said Saldivar Nnavante, a fruit farmer from a small village near the river. “But they are nothing more than extortion monies. Which is nothing new around here, but at least before we knew who we were paying, and those people never took more than we could afford. Now it’s some boss in a ministry somewhere, putting a flat rate on everything. I don’t even have to go very far, just five miles, but I’m expected to pay the same as a man who must go all the way to the coast? Don’t even get me started on the crop tributes.”

It is these crop tributes that most of the protestors seem to take an issue with. Alejandro Julianos, now the ruling military authority within Monteddor’s borders, has demanded that food growers and ranchers ‘donate’ 30% of their goods to feed soldiers in the area. Similar requests have been made of hotels, brothels, and other services in the region.

“Change is always difficult,” a Julianos spokesperson wrote in an official press release. “Often, it is quite painful, and there is no doubt that many enterprises will fall or be absorbed by the state when all is said and done. But the new High King, together with Admiral Julianos, believe that this change will make for a stronger Monteddor, one that will rival even Crowndon in its military and industrial might. I think everyone will agree that it’s high time those pasty, haggis eating bullies in the north get taken down a notch.

“I mean, they call themselves ‘The Crown’, and yet they don’t even have a monarch. Who the hell do they think they are?”

Crowndon official have yet to address the spokesperson’s comments.

Blackwood Gazette #92- Protests Flare Up in Southern Monteddor Over New Taxation Policies

Blackwood Gazette #90- Heisenberg Project Nears Completion; Test Flight Imminent, Crowndon Says

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By Chester Seaton, News

23/2- The Ministry for Crowndonian Planar Wing Transport, formerly known as Klankenvroot Industries before it was taken over by the government, has announced that the highly contentious Heisenberg Project is nearing completion.

The project, intended to serve as the world’s first commercial fixed wing air craft, has had a rocky road. Updates on the project recently went dark, in light of Crowndon’s economic woes.
Work on the project has continued, however, and a test flight is scheduled for early next month. Tickets for the inaugural flight are being auctioned off later this week, with several members of high society expressing an interest in taking part.

The announcement has been met with some consternation, however. The revelation that the extremely expensive project continued in light of the Blackwood shortage and the market crashing Great Tuna Heist has many of Crowndon’s academics up in arms. It is estimated that over ten thousand people in Crowndon’s Northern reaches died or disappeared during the harsh winter, and the idea that money was being poured into a prototype technology that would serve a purpose already being performed by air ships is morally offensive.

In light of the announcement, we reached out to Klankenvroot rival Sir Rigel Rinkenbach, for an update on his own project.

“To be perfectly honest, I had completely forgotten about our little wager,” Rinkenbach said. “Since Ivan [Klankenvroot] has defected and come to work for me, I lost complete interest in the matter. We’ve moved on to other projects, exciting ones that will change to world. Which probably goes without saying, as I’m involved, after all. I cannot speak of them at this time, however.”

Blackwood Gazette #90- Heisenberg Project Nears Completion; Test Flight Imminent, Crowndon Says

Blackwood Gazette #56- Delando’s Next Play to be Filmed

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by Alex Grosset, Arts and Entertainment

15/8- The theatrical world is abuzz today with the news that Delando’s next play, the follow up to the controversial and critically acclaimed “Fires of D’Kalm D’korr”, will be committed to film and shown on kinetic viewers every where.

“Delando is excited about the possibilities new technologies unlock in his ability to tell stories,” said the reclusive playwright’s representatives. “The flare guns used in ‘Fires’ demonstrated that, and the use of film to give audiences a more focused view framed by Delando himself reenforces it. Everyone who watches the show on kinetics will have the same viewing experience…no need to fight for good seats.”

The play, which is as yet untitled, will be filmed over the course of its first year on stage. The performances will then be constructed into a single, cohesive whole.

Not everyone is excited about it, however.

“This is an aberration!” said one theater goer. “It is a contamination of the purity of the art form. Theater is meant to be enjoyed live, as though the audience is a part of the experience. This travesty, this…’film’ as they call it…it’s a separation of viewer and performance. It should not be allowed, and Delando should be expelled from the Academy of Theatrical Arts and blacklisted in the community for such insolence! How dare he think he can change hundreds of years of story telling tradition!”

Theater owners, as well, have their reservations. Namely Patrice Chadeau, the owner of the theater the filming is meant to take place in.

“I agreed to it, but make no mistake, it is a huge risk,” Chadeau said. “It means I will have to rent the main stage to one show for the entirety of the year. Not even Delando can sustain that kind of audience, though I’m hoping the novelty of it all may bring in an audience. And what happens if a performer gets ill, or dies, or some other tragic thing? In any case, Delando’s people brought me a wagon load of gold. It’s locked up in the warehouse, if you want to see it.”

Blackwood Gazette #56- Delando’s Next Play to be Filmed