Alex Grosset, Arts and Entertainment

23/9– Author Pierre Fordeau, who recently published the memoir “Impossible Hearts in Forgotten Lands”, recently approached law enforcement in Sau Anoit to apply for protective custody. The petition is said to have stemmed from the arrival of a mysterious package found on his doorstep.

“The package was very disturbing, indeed,” said Inspector Jean Donponte. “It contained a variety of what can best be described as fetishes, small dolls and artifacts made out of bone, animal sinew, and hair. Fordeau claims the hair is his, but our men in forensics say the hair is likely from a Djidanni red ape.”

In the report, Fordeau claims the package is meant to be a threat from the Pirate Queen Seylene Plamondon, but Inspector Donponte isn’t convinced.

“The more likely scenario I think is the package came from one of his fans,” the inspector said. “You know how those sorts can be…they read something like Plamondon’s reaction to his book and they use it as an in-roads of sorts, to place themselves into the lives of the people they, for lack of a better word, ‘love’.

“This is probably just someone screwing with Fordeau; I highly doubt Seylene Plamondon made her way up to Sau Anoit from the Pyros Ocean just to leave a shoebox on someone’s doorstep. No, she likely would have burned his apartment to the ground, and the surrounding block as well, just to be sure. Still, we’ve granted Fordeau his application, both for his ease of mind and because whoever did leave the package is clearly a nutter.”

No word on where Fordeau will be moved to (as is expected), or for how long. However, it is said that along with his application was a list of demands, including a new typewriter and ‘adequately luxurious furnishings’, as well as a constantly supplied bowl of Sweety Beets®, with the red ones removed.