Blackwood Gazette #187- Alchemy Student Arrested After Parlor Trick Goes Horribly Awry

By Basilio Mura, Nor Easter Correspondent

9/9- A 22 year old student of the Academic Alliance of Alchemists and Alliterators named Prideau ‘Priddy’ Lacerte has been jailed tonight, after a botched alchemy demonstration brought a showing of Delando’s latest play to an abrupt and messy end.

Witnesses say that Lacerte was attempting a common parlor trick known as Kettleman’s Arc, in which two elements are rubbed together on the fingers to produce a vibrant, sustained electric bolt. It’s one of the first things young Alchemists teach each other to do, and a relatively simple one at that by all accounts.

The demonstration went dreadfully wrong, however, when the elements Lacerte used instead produced a noxious gas that spread throughout the audience seats, inducing vomiting amongst many of the nearby patrons.

The theatre was evacuated, and while no one was injured or hurt (except maybe a few people’s pride) Lacerte was promptly arrested.

“I find it hard to believe it was an accident,” said the arresting officer. “Kettleman’s Arc is so simple even my five year old boy can do it. It should’ve been no problem for a student at the academy. What’s more is, there’s a name for what happened. It’s called Kettleman’s Arse…and in older text books the instructions are printed right below Kettleman’s Arc. We’re operating under the assumption that Lacerte was trying to pull some sort of prank, that he told people he would perform the Arc, pulling them in close before intentionally releasing the Arse for a laugh.”

On top of the lost revenue for the show, the Empress Theatre (recently rebuilt after a fire last year) will have to spend thousands on cleanup.

“The carpet in the aisle in completely ruined, as are about thirty of the seats,” said the theatre’s care taker. “It will all have to be replaced. Then there is the smell of the gas…it’s just lingering in there. The first appraisal man that went in came out retching. They had to go back in with filtration masks.”

Lacerte will be arraigned next week, and has been expelled from the Academy. Spencer Wendon, the Academy’s headmaster, commented.

“Either he intentionally induced mass vomiting at the Empress while representing the Academy, or he blundered the easiest trick in the book. Either way, he isn’t the sort we want affiliated with the Academy.”

Blackwood Gazette #187- Alchemy Student Arrested After Parlor Trick Goes Horribly Awry

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