By Chester Seaton, News

7/7-Today brings an update on the situation in Pharassus, where the Pharessian military has the debauched pirate Roderick La Pierre surrounded and trapped at the bottom of a canyon. General Auduam reported this morning that Pharessian ground forces have begun entering the large, open area that is the location of an ancient ruin where La Pierre has taken shelter.

La Pierre, however, somehow became aware of the incoming military force and ordered his crew to pull the wreckage of his ship, the Pernicious Platitude, into the ruin.

“A futile gesture,” General Auduam told us. “That ruin has only one entrance. They’ve backed themselves into a corner. When the ground forces enter the canyon floor, they will fire upon it with their cannon, and bury the pirate alive. Our victory is assured! This blight will be removed from the land forever and always!”

The decision to open fire on the ancient site comes in the wake of recent worldwide efforts to preserve ruins with archaeological value. We spoke to Doctor J. Feenarty Croke about the Phareesian military’s plan.

“It is an outrage!” Dr. Croke said. “Much of our ancient history has been lost due to centuries of warfare that occurred before the discovery of the Blackwood grove. Awareness of the sorry state of our ancient historical sites is at an all time high, so there is no excuse for such flagrant destruction, not even for La Pierre. They say they have him backed into a corner? Just bring in an alchemist and gas them all. Shooting the place up is completely unnecessary.”