Blackwood Gazette #108: New Location of Academy of Alchemists and Alliterators Revealed

By Basilio Mura, Nor Easter Correspondent

27/4- The zoning committee and city council of Oeil de Fleur have reached a decision regarding the new location for the Academic Alliance of Alchemists and Alliterators, and to the surprise of no one, not everyone is happy.

“This is [expletive removed]!” said Reynard Houlcombe, the owner of a hostel and bar in the district where the Academy will be relocated. “I have been running this business for forty years, and this is the third time these malcontents have been moved into my area of town. Every time they do, business plummets. These alchemists, they don’t drink. They buy one glass of absinthe, and they nurse it, all night long, trading quips and laughing loudly at things no one understands. They take up space and drive away other customers. I swear, they are following me around! I fear I will have to move again.”

The zoning committee is, of course, trying to spin the relocation of the Academy as a positive for the area.

“Despite their reputation,” one member of the board said, “The Academy continues to be a prime spot for foreign visitors. They travel from all over the world, coming to gawk at our lauded alchemical practitioners. Every time we’ve moved them, the district in question has seen a spike in tourism and enjoyed an economic boom as a result.”

“Sure, until they end up destroying the district in question,” said one resident when we told her of the committee’s statement. “It always happens. Could be the day they move in, or ten years from now. One day, one of those so called ‘geniuses’ is going to get the wrong notion in his head and blow us all up. Just you wait and see. I’m not, though. I’ve already packed and I’m moving in with my ma on the other side of the city.”

The members of the Academy are expected to start moving into their new building next week. They have spent the weeks following the fire that claimed their last location in the Imperial Palace, where it is said that Empress Bastian has greatly enjoyed their company, but is ready for them to go.

Blackwood Gazette #108: New Location of Academy of Alchemists and Alliterators Revealed

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