by Chester Seaton, News
19/6- Doctor Argyle Von Grimm, a.k.a. the Mad Mechanist of Mosaille, has reared his head once more, this time along the frontier of the Imperial Colonies. Even worse, he has brought a gang of mechanically enhanced malcontents with him.
For the last month, Colonial authorities report that Von Grimm has attacked, occupied, or reduced to ash at least fifteen frontier townships.
“He may go on about etiquette and protocol, but he’s little more than a mad dog with a doctorate,” said Marshall Nathaniel Harper. “He rides into town with his gang, all of ’em missing arms or legs or sometimes eyes, all replaced with clockwork appendages. He goads some poor sod to anger, gives a speech about manners, and then proceeds to wrecking the place. A real villain, that one.”
The Colonial Marshals are at a loss on how to deal with Von Grimm and his gang. To date, they have sent several posses after the miscreant, and to date, each of these posses have turned up buried to their necks in the sand, their heads swollen from the desert sun. Law men refuse to deal with the situation out of fear, and many settlers have started migrating back east.
“There ain’t nothing out there worth dealing with a man like that,” said Sally Sommerfield, mother of sixteen children and grandmother of eight, four times widowed, two at the hands of Von Grimm. “He doesn’t just destroy towns. Once saw him kick a puppy. Crossed the street to do it, too.”
Von Grimm’s reign of terror has put a sizable dent in the trade of furs, coal, and other goods from the frontier. Desperate to put an end to it, the Colonial government has issued a 150,000 dollar bounty for Von Grimm or any member of his gang, dead or alive, and a 10,000 dollar bounty for any leads to the bandit’s hideout that bear fruit. To date, neither bounty has been paid.
My favorite is cuckoldry…*ahem* on the wanted sheet, that is. This is hilarious. Well written!